She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just forgot I was standing up.
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