Hey man sorry I got all grabby
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
