I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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