She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
