i don't like sucking hair
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
