Pants 0. Shit 1.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
