who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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