we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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