I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
