Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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