when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
