and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
3pm strippers are depressing
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
