i may or may not be watching the land before time
he thought i was a dude.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
