doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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