i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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