Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
