So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
