Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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