My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
