i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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