dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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