Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Randomize
