I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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