Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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