Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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