if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
