I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
