He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
