Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
