Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
