i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
