that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
