I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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