the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I am in a vortex of obligation.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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