You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
