Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
