I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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