Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
