We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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