Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
are you so shy because you have an std?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
