what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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