So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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