I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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