new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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