i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
