I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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