margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
