i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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