omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize