Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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