I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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