it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
