If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
