i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
