Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
