Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
