Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
