nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
