i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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