That's intense
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
