suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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