Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
