I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
