oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
