There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize